Papercut
by Jillessa Heronstairs
Summary: "It was never that he didn't care. In fact, now and then, she really thought he cared a lot. Like the time when she had ingested vampire blood and he stood by her side, helping her through the holy water and pain." Another OC story... Yup. :)


**So, I was bored. So I did a replay of some of the events in all of the Aria/Quinn drama, including Percy and Emily(briefly). And I have plans for this... so I probably will update it, if I find motivation to do so... But for now... I hope it's not so crappy that you actually make it though the whole thing.  
**

 **Oh! And the lyrics are from Zedd's Papercut. I thought It fit really well... seeing that... Well, you'll see. Hopefully I got the point across.**

 **ANYWAYS. My characters: Aria, Emily. MortalShadowhunter's characters: Quinn. SilverJem5's characters: Percy.**

* * *

 **Papercut**

 **~Now we're staring at the ceiling**

 **You're so pretty when you're mad**

 **All that I can hear is breathing~**

Aria had always considered her life to be pretty damn good. She had a loving family, complete with fantastic parents and an adorable little brother.

In fact, everything was perfect.

Or so she thought.

Moving to New York was a big step for her, a change she wasn't sure she was quite ready for, but in the end, it was decided that it was the best thing for her and her Shadowhunting career.

And in the end, she never would have considered the move a mistake.

More like… A learning experience.

 **~And we're stuck inside the silence**

 **In a cold cold war**

 **We're too proud to say we're sorry~**

Her first memory when she came to the Institute was falling for Quinn. Sure, it was from afar, but that made no difference. It wasn't like she was going to ever really talk to him… Was she?

It was too unfathomable to even think about. Sure, he was a werewolf, and she was a Shadowhunter. From past experiences in Portugal, it would have been very risque, and downright looked down on.

But still, that didn't stop her from having a crush.

In her mind, he was the perfect guy, polite but funny and somewhat caring. He had the looks and the charisma.

And he was too incredibly good for her.

Either way, she avoided him because he wouldn't ever see anything in her other than a shy, scared Shadowhunter girl who was stupid enough to fall for a guy like him.

 **~Right now it feels like we're bleeding**

 **So deep that we might not get back up~**

Taki's had never been so scary. But only when she was walking to it, with a guy she barely knew, but thought she loved, she felt the nervousness inside her, building higher and higher as they got closer.

It was almost like the feeling you get when you know you're about to throw up.

His ease almost broke her down more, so friendly and nice to her though she had just met him. It was unnerving, to say in the very least.

And the small talk! His admittance that he had to have someone with him hours before his Change, and his attitude that made her want to melt right into him.

Sure, it was a little less than infatuation, but certainly more than anything else she had ever felt before. Sheer fright made her rude and impolite, she feared, and he would think nothing else of her but a mean girl who only went to Taki's with him out of plain pity.

When she got back to the Institute, nothing had changed, she felt like, and to her, it was either a curse or a blessing, knowing that it could have gone either way.

Nothing had ever made her want to crawl into her bed and sleep so much.

And to imagine, she could have been in the Institute doing paperwork all that time.

 **~Our words will tear through the surface**

 **Like a paper, like a papercut~**

She never would understand what he had against poor Percy. It was almost as if they were fated to hate each other, by some strange reason that she couldn't understand.

In her mind, Quinn wouldn't model for her but Percy would, though that didn't mean she liked him any less.

But that was about it. She had thought girls had drama, but sensing things between Percy and Quinn, it was almost the same with guys.

In her mind, all girl drama was about guys, popularity, and weight. What in the world could guy drama be about? … Cars and… Food?

But then again, it was their problem, and not hers to think about or worry over.

 **~Right now I don't know why I love you**

 **But by the morning when we wake up~**

His kiss had been out of nowhere.

In fact, she had no idea why he had even tried it.

Pity, perhaps?

But she still loved it. It was her first and her sweetest, and something she might possible remember forever, even if she didn't want to. And then, of course, the ones after were pretty great, as well.

It never even crossed her mind that the whole thing had started from a misunderstanding, between her and Quinn and her brother. it had even had something to do with Percy.

But the whole scene was so great that she chose to care about nothing else but the fact that Quinn had kissed her. Kissed her like he actually liked her, and that wasn't something that had ever happened to her before.

Maybe she was naive. To a point, maybe she was even desperate.

Or maybe, there was the slightest chance that he actually had felt something like she had.

Whatever it was, she wanted it more than anything else she had ever wanted.

It was like jumping into the deep end of the pool, not knowing the actual depth, and not knowing that there was a whirlpool underneath, waiting to only suck her downwards.

 **~I'll reach for you and remember**

 **It was just a paper, just a papercut~**

A thousand things could have gone differently, but it was almost like she had won the lottery when Quinn asked her out. In fact, she spent minutes obsessing over it in her head.

She barely remembered it hours later.

It all felt like a dream.

A dream that was so amazing and wonderful that she felt like she would have to savor it forever, never forgetting how happy and overjoyed she had been.

But slowly by slowly, remembrance slipped away, and she was left with was a sliver of the joy she had been given earlier that day.

The fact that he never said it would be any kind of monogamous relationship never crossed her mind, either.

 **~I find refuge in a distance**

 **Even when we're breaking down**

 **Can't we pause it just for one kiss~**

Was a relationship supposed to have so many disagreements? Were they always supposed to be on edge, waiting for the next one?

Was every meeting supposed to be drama, a fight, then a kiss to make it up?

Aria didn't read romance books. She had never been in a relationship, and she certainly wasn't about to ask Quinn.

She blamed herself for not knowing, constantly worrying that she was doing something wrong or that it would be over much too soon. He could be gone without even a goodbye, for all she knew.

And his reassuring words meant nothing sometimes, when all her fear was in her head and she wanted nothing else but to be away, sitting along the bottom of her bed, wishing that her five dogs were there with her, and not in Portugal, to keep her company.

After all, they were all that she would have left.

 **~Cause I never meant to hurt you**

 **And I know you feel the same**

 **Still the only one I run to~**

"Mouth rape" was an interesting term.

It had stemmed from flirting, if you could even believe. In some ways, he had caused her to open up, react in different ways, and realize that she wanted more out of life than what she had.

But in other ways it made her shut down inside, keeping up a bright and faithful look that she was barely good enough to keep up.

And yet she believed that nothing would ever change, hoped that for as long as she could, she could be his and he could be hers.

Besides, "Bingo" and "Mouth rape" were enough to keep her satisfied. And one couldn't forget "Building forts with pillows and blankets."

Of course, she knew what he would joke about, but for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to say so.

Was it possible that she knew that it would never work out?

 **~Right now it feels like we're bleeding**

 **So deep that we might not get back up~**

It wasn't a big surprise that Quinn was in Denmark with Emily, but even though she believed it, it hurt like a knife to the heart. Especially since she had to find out about it through Evande.

One one hand, she knew that she shouldn't be mad. It was half her part of being in a relationship with him, wasn't it? A so-called relationship that she was beginning to more than doubt.

Until he kissed her again and told her that now, it would just be him and her.

At least, that's what she honestly believed in her heart.

Liars might tell the truth and truthers might lie, but it should have been a warning sign.

And there she was again, running all the red lights and blowing past the stop signs and the cautions, because he was Quinn and she was Aria.

It was just too good to be true.

 **~Our words will tear through the surface**

 **Like a paper, like a papercut~**

It was never that he didn't care. In fact, now and then, she really thought he cared a lot. Like the time when she had ingested vampire blood and he stood by her side, helping her through the holy water and pain.

For right there and then, it was if they were perfect, even if circumstances were not, and she was inches away from throwing up the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Pain was healing, right? Or was it the other way around?

Whichever, she should have savored it, because little for her to know, happy tales can have sad endings, and hers was no different.

 **~Right now I don't know why I love you**

 **But by the morning when we wake up~**

It really wasn't a surprise when he broke up with her. Over time, she had become a slightly better actress, and hid most of the disappointment, pretending that she almost, just almost, felt the same way.

But she didn't. Whatever she acted like, she felt a hundred times worse inside, ripped to shreds and pieces.

Nevertheless, it was hopeless to let him see, and she played it off like they were all good. They could stay friends, same as they were before they started "dating". It would only hurt slightly less than knowing he was with someone he wanted to break up with, and all she could hope for was that now, he could be happy, living like he wanted to without being tied down.

Perhaps for him to be happy was all she wanted in the end, even if it did take her a little while to figure that out.

Even if it wasn't vice versa, she could try and help him.

 **~I'll reach for you and remember**

 **It was just a paper, just a papercut~**

Some people turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with trauma in their lives.

For Aria, nothing so self harming was ever an option. Why cause more hurt just to deal with hurt? It didn't make sense, and she hated the thought.

Instead, she turned to paperwork, throwing her mind and heart into it and never looking up. It was more than five times more than she had before, but it was worth it.

When you were so invested into something, it was hard to think about anything else. It was the same what it had been with Quinn.

It was a sort of obsession, pulling her away from one reality and throwing her into another.

And the worst part was, she thought it made her happy.

 **~Right now it feels like we're bleeding**

 **So deep that we might not get back up~**

She would take on more paperwork than she could handle, pulling her mind away from anything else, anything else at all, and all that would be in her world was the stack of photocopies and empty pens on her desk.

 **~Our words will tear through the surface**

 **Like a paper, like a papercut~**

Her hand would grow tired and she skipped the coffee, alternating for green tea with caffeine and sugar. It wasn't strange of her to stay up to early mornings, filling out the same papers over and over, just to have a copy for everyone and for her to have something to do.

 **~Right now I don't know why I love you**

 **But by the morning when we wake up~**

And then came the day.

The day that Quinn asked for a second chance, begged for it even.

He had even had such a strange way of asking the question, avoiding the question and then asking it all at once, like a snowball starting at the beginning of a mountain and slowly rolling down.

She was just as surprised as she had been the first time, and in her eyes, she still trusted him, liked him more than any other person in the world. She wanted to say yes, so desperately wanted to accept his offer and take him back.

But she just couldn't.

She couldn't because she knew if she was too accept, it would hurt too much again.

Quinn didn't seem like someone who you could ever feel like you could ever fully satisfy, no matter what she did.

It wasn't like if given another chance, she would say no again, but in that moment, she prided herself for helping him, and in the end, helping herself.

 **~I'll reach for you and remember**

 **It was just a paper, just a papercut~**

Maybe sometime in the future, things might work out again, thin as the chances were, she wasn't giving up. He was a constant in her heart and mind, as much as she hated the fact that she just couldn't let go.

And it might be for only a month, a week, a day, an hour, or a minute.

It could be that one last kiss, sealing the deal that nothing would ever be like it was, bringing back bitter memories and harsh endings to both of their minds.

But for now… All she could do was wait.

 **~Just a paper, just a papercut~**

Her hands might have been soiled with hundreds and thousands of old scars, littering her palms and fingers with light marks that never seemed to fade, before they were replaced with a new one.

And her heart might be just the same way. Every time seeing Quinn, feeling a new ache of pain that wouldn't fade for hours, days, or months.

 **~Just a paper, just a papercut~**

It was painful.

It was hard not to give in and change everything.

 **~Just a paper, just a papercut~**

But she knew that even though you _could_ have something, it might not be _just_ what you wanted, and sooner or later, it might fall apart, leaving you to wonder what went wrong.

 **~Just a paper, just a papercut~**

But then again sometimes... If you cared enough... You could see through a person's flaws. All of them.

At least for a little while.

* * *

 **Yeah... I gave up a little at the end but you get the point. Lol. It's so one sided that I sort of feel bad... But whatever.**

 **OH AND YA'LL SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG BECAUSE IT IS AMAZEBALLS.  
**

 **My mouth hurts. :)**

 **~Jillessa Heronstairs~**


End file.
